Oliver P. McCracken
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On the article Skokie Patch Editor Heading Overseas on Assignment
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On the article Yelp's Top 10 Restaurants in Skokie: Do You Agree?
Oliver P. McCracken
1:30 pm on Wednesday, April 24, 2013
ReplyI must say Annie's does serve a wonderful cup of coffee and a delightful scrambled egg. It also provides late hours for the young and lively crowd who keep downtown Skokie a-"hopping"....
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On the article Disruptive Niles West Seniors Shut Down Pep Assembly
Oliver P. McCracken
1:22 pm on Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Betsy,
There is one glaring problem with your argument -- in all the history of education there has yet to be one student who has ever enjoyed a pep rally. Other than convenient times when a rally delays an examination, I have never heard a pupil confess a fondness for being herded into a urine- and perspiration-smelling gymnasium so they can be deafened with cheers and nonsense, which is exactly why this dauntless administrator is so gallant and so glorious in disencumbering the district's future rallies of fun and games, even if he is fleeing for greener pastures. -
On the article Disruptive Niles West Seniors Shut Down Pep Assembly
Oliver P. McCracken
1:09 pm on Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Mr. H.,
I am sure your academically outstanding student is disappointed in you -- you really shouldn't have paid for the silly string, confetti, and toilet tissue for those idiots. What did you think they would do with such things? Such weapons of mass diversion need to be banned and outlawed! -
On the article Disruptive Niles West Seniors Shut Down Pep Assembly
Oliver P. McCracken
3:17 pm on Monday, April 22, 2013
ReplyAnd here I was, fretting that the sort of curmudgeonly principal behavior I long demonstrated, upheld, and fought for had been eradicated.
I worried that these new-fangled administrators were allowing "fun" and "whimsy" into our hallowed and solemn sanctuaries of learning. I feared that discipline had been dismissed and that freedoms and privileges had been introduced. I stayed up at night sure that children were being treated like citizens and not slaves or prisoners.
Yet reading of this heroic principal's actions has reassured me that there are those of us still keeping spirit, smiles, and hoopla away from our students! And while I am sure Skokie will miss this soulless, smile-free fellow and his stern demeanor, Naperville will surely welcome his intentions to bring a funereal atmosphere to their district. It will be well worth the high cost his salary most certainly dictates!
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On the article Who Would Kidnap a Therapy Dog? Skokie Woman Charged
Oliver P. McCracken
3:03 pm on Thursday, April 4, 2013
ReplyDrat! I guess I hired the wrong dullard to swipe the last pup I needed for the Pomeranian-fur trousers my tailor's a-sewing me.
It's hard to find a quality dognapper these days. Alas, it's my own fault for choosing such a feeble-minded felon for the job. But even if the broad has no smarts, no dog, and now no freedom, at least she's still got her looks!
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On the article Poll: Is Gay Marriage A Constitutional Right?
Oliver P. McCracken
10:25 am on Monday, April 1, 2013
Did god not create Stephen, the stoned martyr?
Did god not create Stephen F. Austin, deep in the heart of Texas?
Did god not place such lively melodies inside Stephen Foster?
Did god not place the red badge of courage inside Stephen Crane?
Did god not place forceful oration inside the Little Giant, Stephen Douglas?
How dare you question whether our creator created those named Stephen, Steven, or even Steve?
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On the article Thursday Blotter: Teen Shot with BB Gun
Oliver P. McCracken
9:02 am on Thursday, March 28, 2013
ReplyAnd if that rapscallion doesn't learn to stay off of lawns that aren't his, next time it won't be in the leg, either!
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On the article PETA to Protest Outside Old Orchard Mall Today
Oliver P. McCracken
8:47 am on Wednesday, March 27, 2013
ReplyWhile I am a big fan of rabbit stew, and enjoy sticking my hands in a furry muff on a cold winter's night as much as any fellow, I do not see why the handsome women in the above picture need to use skinned rabbits as ornaments.
Why not cook the carcasses in a tasty rabbit pie? How about serving the meat up with some dumplings? Perhaps they would find a fricassee satisfying? Anything but waving those poor butchered bunnies around like bloody, furless banners. The cruelty of some people!
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On the article Board Approves $8.9 Million Downtown Renovation
Oliver P. McCracken
2:47 pm on Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Mister Motel,
While tearing down the "ghetto apartment buildings" might seem to be a solution for your fear of "roaches" (and kudos to you for using an R-word instead of the N-word your angry little fingers probably wanted to type!), I highly doubt the various slumlords who own them would agree.
Also, shouldn't we wait for the rent money fattening the pockets of said slumlords to trickle down to those less fortunate? Because, despite what those blasted liberals would have us believe, that's how economics works -- the Haves need the money so that they can happily and generously trickle it down like so much charitable rain upon the Have-Nots....
Oliver P. McCracken
3:22 pm on Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Mr. George,
You have proven yourself quite a fine writer and editor with this periodical, and one who has kept me reading, even as my eyesight falters with each passing day.
I must say, however, that no matter how bad my eyesight is, I couldn't miss that garish orange blouse in the above photograph! I surely hope you don't plan on wearing that to the first day of work at your new job.
Good luck to you, thank you for all of your hard work, and I look forward to learning of your further adventures via your telegraph postings!