Health & Fitness
"Be Strong, Don't Cry"
Sometimes when children are facing grief or loss, they are told to, "Be strong, don't cry." These words may seem benign, especially when said by a well-meaning adult, but they actually imply to the grieving child that expressing their sadness is "weak," and that their grief is not normal. Children experiencing grief should be given the opportunity to grieve in their own way, and need to know that the adults in their lives support them. Here are a few things to keep in mind when interacting with mourning children:
- "We help children by considering them and respecting them as mourners." (Phyllis R. Silverman, PhD) - Think about how the child feels, and recognize that they do not process their feelings the same way you do. Respect their sadness and trust that they know how they feel, perhaps better than anyone - even if they cry a lot, and especially if they don't.
- If the child has questions, answer them appropriately and as honestly as possible."While it is true that three-year-olds don't understand that death is permanent, final, and irreversible, they do understand that something terribly sad has happened" (Karen Carney). Answers to tough questions can help children understand the situation better and ease their anxieties; this lets children trust that while grief and loss are very painful, death is just another part of life, and they are not alone in their sadness.
- If the child seems frustrated over not knowing how to express themselves, provide an outlet. You show your support by making yourself available, both emotionally and in physical presence.
- Grief and loss therapy can be extremely beneficial. If the child exhibits an extreme change in their behavior, or expresses feelings of deep depression and suicidal ideation, please contact a mental health professional.
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