I think as long your follow your instinct, you will know when to have the talk. I finally had the talk with my child in simple terms that he could grasp. The most important thing to say to Kai is what you already wrote, that "...I want to convey that autism doesn’t make him bad, or dumb or undesirable. It makes him a special kid with some unique challenges, and abilities. One that Mom and Dad love a whole lot." As long as Kai knows that, I thing everything else will fall into place.

Hi Yuji,
We had the "talk" when recently. My son is almost 10years old and was diagnosed last year shortly after his 9th birthday. He has known about his ADHD since he was about 7 years old. That one was a lot easier to explain because he is so active. I told him that his engine runs too fast all of the time unlike some of his classmates. I learned this from his preschool teachers.

As for the Autism, we had the talk shortly after he was diagnosed because he was having such a hard time at school and at home. I used simple, non-scary terms and I let him know that his brain learns things differently from his friends but it doesn't make him dumb, or a bad kid. It just means that we have to be more creative in finding things that work for him and that process can be a lot of fun.

From reading your blog, I can tell you and your wife are wonderful,loving, involved parents to Kai, and that will definitely help him in life. The journey has just begun and it will be filled with ups and downs but you will never regret one minute of it!

I wondered how and when to explain to my son that he was autistic. However, one day I switched on the T.V and it was a programme about autistic children. My son came into the room and I went to switch it off. He said, "No" and stopped me. He watched for a while, turned to me and said, quite happily "I'm autistic, aren't I?"

When he was about 10 he had to be admitted to hospital for an operation for an undescended testicle. After the operation he attended school and I wondered what he had said to the other boys, as I thought it could be embarrassing for him. I need not have worried. After he came home from school I asked what he had said to the others when they asked him where he had been. He replied, quite unconcerned, 'Oh, I told them I had an operation for an undescended testicle'.

I wondered how and when to explain to my son that he was autistic. However, one day I switched on the T.V and it was a programme about autistic children. My son came into the room and I went to switch it off. He said, "No" and stopped me. He watched for a while, turned to me and said, quite happily "I'm autistic, aren't I?"

When he was about 10 he had to be admitted to hospital for an operation for an undescended testicle. After the operation he attended school and I wondered what he had said to the other boys, as I thought it could be embarrassing for him. I need not have worried. After he came home from school I asked what he had said to the others when they asked him where he had been. He replied, quite unconcerned, 'Oh, I told them I had an operation for an undescended testicle'.

My son knows he is autistic. There was no big talk. It's not something that we ever talked about behind closed doors. I needed his older two brothers to understand and I never wanted anyone to think that his autism was any different than having brown eyes. We also want others around him to be understanding. My theory has always been that he is not defective, just different and difference add the color to the world.

It's a big possibility that your son knows more than you think. And as long as he knows he is loved and accepted as he is, he'll be fine.

Great story! Check out this video. http://bit.ly/cJShCe

Some say that they say they are searching for a “cure” for autism. However, I believe that there is no ‘cure’ as autism is a different type of mind. - Evolution’s way of preparing future man for new technology. My autistic son, Howard, is so proficient on a computer, because it is in a virtual world and because he has such concentration. Now most of us haven’t got good memories because our thoughts are diverted. Howard has no problem in concentrating on one thing at a time so when he is on the computer he is better than the average person, because of his absolute concentration.
He could not talk until he was about 9 yrs old and was refused education by the local education authority 'because of his disability of mind' and 'medical experts' described him as a 'write-off'. Yet, many years later he graduated from University in Computer Science!

Yuji, I enjoy reading what you write! I can relate to so much because of my brother. After reading your story, and the comments, I just want to bring some awareness that has been stirring up in the autism world. I, as well as some others, do not like saying that someone is autistic, because that one aspect does not make up their whole persona. You do not say that someone is cancerous just because they have cancer. I am aware that it is used with diabetes as well, saying "I am diabetic", and I think that should change too. I try to change it when I speak about my brother, saying he HAS autism, not that he IS autistic. It might also help immensely when you have "the talk". My brother was also diagnosed with OCD and Bi-Polar Disorder, so these are just other things that make up who he is, as well as caring, loving, creative, funny, etc...
Also, the only "CURE" my mother and me have found for my brother is therapy, education and patience! My brother was in speech therapy, social/physical therapy, anything my mom could get him into, as well as sports and classes, though he'd rarely last in sports! I think the only true cure is awareness and education, for everyone: the child, the family and the community!